Day #7- A bad habit dying very very hard

Sooo, smoking at the moment is a thing of the past. I feel that the physical part is way in the past. It's the habit part that is kicking my ass. To be honest, the physical part of smoking was deplorable and easy to let go. The physical effects of being smoke-free are glorious: hair smells fresh and clean (well, as long as I shampoo somewhat regularly), clothes smell clean, and breath does not resemble a human ashtray (this is one of the most disgusting facets of smoking hygiene, or lack there of). I wish that's all there was, the remnants of a nasty habit gone bye bye. Ciao, adios, shalom.

Nope, it could never be that easy. That's why this quitting smoking thing SUCKS! The physical reasons are the reasons we quit (the short term physical benefits as well as the long term physical/medical plusses). Honestly, I did not quit because I wanted to stop doing something that is: enjoyable, calming (paradoxical as that sounds to a non smoker), and well, so damn habitual. Smoking is not a glamorous social sport. It just happens to be what you would find me doing when I got off work, work breaks, after meal times, before, during &after watching the sopranos, movies, driving a long distance or in traffic. And any other time you think "why not smoke now...sounds like a great time for a light".

So if you ask me for the truth, I will tell you. I enjoyed smoking. I enjoyed the ritual; I enjoyed having a smoke with friends after an AA meeting or dinner; I had fun smoking with fellow smokers during the Sex and The City movie and all the episodes. I enjoyed smoking on my own when I was single and watched tons of foreign movies and chick flicks by myself. Quitting smoking for some reason seems more difficult than the whole drinking thing and that sounds absurd; maybe I don't remember the drinking thing as well. I remember obsessing and then being neutral to alcohol. Perhaps, down the line, I will be neutral to cigarettes. I don't believe I need a gift of desperation. I don't need cancer or a respiratory disease to get me to quit. For me, smoking is just a dirty nasty ludicrous habit that is going to require a really good fight.

These are the cigarettes I enjoyed and smoked for any length of time (I feel I ought to identify the opponent in the battle):

The Main Event:
Alyssa
vs.
Marlboro Reds
Marlboro blend 27 (I think this is the name)
Marlboro Lights
Camel Lights
Camel Special Lights
Camel Pink no 9
Camel special blends
Parliament lights


I think I have enough fight to kill the habit! We will see at day 30, day 60 day 90! Day 90 will be a big one as that's about as long as I have ever gone.

But we will take it one day at a time.