Sunday, October 2, 2016


It is real! I have decided to take a more focused approach to blogging! I have created my own domain and will be blogging on is a fresh start!

Thank you for reading this!

Saturday, August 27, 2016

looking forward......

I know its been a long time since i have written a post. I had no idea how busy this summer had been until I logged in and saw a very abandoned blog site. I have to commit myself to writing often and frequently so that i can keep your interest!

 I will continue to write here and share with you! I have a few ideas:
-dating: misadventures with a person online (what's new), a person that is incapable of communicating (at all), people that show up out of the blue.
-exercise/diet: how I have (mostly) maintained my weight loss.  

I need to rededicate myself for a while here! I look forward to weekly blogging (if not more). I  will write this week; I promise!

Do or not do; there is no try.

Much love and peace! 

Saturday, May 28, 2016

One Night in Reno

I have finally caught up with life  after vacation and a work trip to Reno, NV.  I spent two nights in Reno and three days of work. I wish I had gotten to go to Lake Tahoe Maybe next time. I was so busy, I just had no time. The second night in Reno, I got to relax a bit. I did not plan on doing anything other than enjoy a nice steak dinner at Sterlings at The Silver Legacy.

I got to the restaurant and ordered my standard iced tea, no sweetener. I looked at my cell phone and it said "no service". Perfect. On my own with no distractions, except, of course,  the table next to me. There was a huge table, two tables actually,  of guys my age. Maybe older, but, definitely the 40+ group. Then one made his way to my table. Hmmmm. His name is D. and he  is a banker. Nice enough. Very friendly and on behalf of his table, D. bought me a red wine. Nice, as I kinda could use one in the absence of the Internet to distract me.  The server opened the wine bottle in front of me, so I could see it had not been adulterated. You know, date rape drugs. Perfect strangers offering you wine. That kind of thing. Ha! D. and his friends were on their annual golf trip. Everyone at his table was super friendly. They even invited me to their table for dessert and conversation. Mostly, they were married and happily so, making it quite the safe and respectable group to surround myself with. I met the jeweler, the author and the banker and spoke with them for about an hour. I actually even got to practice some Spanish!  Then, they invited me to the strip club. Ummm NO.  The jeweler and the author took me to a bar within the hotel complex, a safer and more comfortable setting. You know. Perfect strangers and all.

The Bar: I continued to talk with the author and the jeweler. Somehow,  I shared a story with them and asked the author if he would read my blog entry on the topic and he was gracious enough to do so. He was polite and said it was good; who knows what he really thought, but he was super nice to even take the time to read it. He gave me advice "from one writer to another". He told me to write for me, not for anyone else. I will remember this for a long time. It has been what I have been wanting to do here.  Both the author and the jeweler were so respectful and appropriate (given they were married and all). It gave me a renewed sense of faith in guys who can be grown-ups, honoring their commitments to themselves and their families; these guys were great.  THEN, they somehow got me to a strip club. I don't know how they did it or why I consented, but I felt extremely safe with these honorable guys and they were smart and intelligent. They were not interested in anything but good clean fun. So, okay, a strip club, a gentleman's club as they like to say. Let's call a spade a spade.

The club: So D. the banker saw me right away and felt inclined, for who knows what reason, to provide me with a lap dance. M., my blonde "dancer" who was probably all of 22 years old, was a mom of two children, 2 and 4 years old. She promised me  I would never recognize her outside of the club, because she's "mom" in real life. This is just her job. Well, good. Afterward, D. gave me the money to give M., $100!. I gave it to her and returned to D. who asked "where is the change" and I was like "change?". He said "yes, I need change. She knows. She knows how much that was". So I slink back to M. and confess I need change and she looked at bill surprised and said "of course". I told her just to return it to D.

I finished my drink, noticing the author had left almost immediately. I would never seem him again or have a chance to thank him for his sage advice. The jeweler and I returned to the hotel and grabbed a bite and talked for a couple more hours. It was nice to speak with someone who understands being Jewish (he and his wife raise their children Jewish). It is so refreshing to speak with a man who has utmost respect for his family. My faith continues to be renewed.

The Next day:
I was DONE with work and had a drink with the jeweler before  heading back to Denver. It is just so amazing to know there are good men in this world with integrity. Clearly in my previous blogs, there has been an obvious paucity in the Denver area of such men.  He promised me they are out there.  I will continue to be  on the look out, with cautious optimism.

I wish I could tell you there was something BAD that happened. That what happens in Reno, stays in Reno. That something naughty happened. Nothing taboo happened. Maybe I am boring. Maybe they were boring. Or maybe, just maybe I had enough BAD in my previous life.

I had tons of fun and met some really nice people along the way!

Monday, May 9, 2016


I have been on vacation officially since 3pm on Friday afternoon. It has been so good to be back East with family. I had a busy weekend and now that it is actually Monday,  I actually slept during the day for almost 2.5 hours! I do NOT sleep during the day unless I am sick! I must have really needed some time off work!

I got to go on a short 3 mile  walk this morning and read and sleep. I love vacation! It is slightly cold and rainy here, but it made for perfect sleeping weather (after the walk, that is!).....Other than missing my dog Max tremendously, it has been good to get a break from Denver, CO. From work. From dating. From bills. From.It.All....I am more than prepared to go back on Sunday, but I just need to re-charge the batteries. For a week.

I will certainly blog when I get back to Denver and I have a few topics that I have been thinking about sharing.

Have a great week and if I get the chance, I may blog before Sunday!

Saturday, April 30, 2016

What am I apologizing for exactly? Alternative title: Dating in a 420 World

So,  I was more or less a girl in my 20s who partied and had fun. My motto was "you can sleep when you die". I lived for the moment. I smoked pot in college. Sure did. I drank when it was free (all the time in my frat party years). I then went on to enjoy some similar freedoms in my 20s.  I went out probably 3-5 times a week after an evening of retail work. We would stay out late, get back home and repeat..many nights. I slowed down as I went to nursing school. I knew things had to slow down as I was pursuing a professional degree. I continued to go out and have fun and muddled through graduate school. Fun.  But less and less so as the years went on.

Advance a few years, circa 1997-2000: I got a real grown up job. I became a RN. I gladly gave up the lifestyle of constant partying. I certainly gave up any drugs that were illegal at the time. Honestly,  I never looked back. I don't care for the smell of marijuana. It makes me feel nauseated. As it is a non-issue now, I could care less. I love good beer and cocktails, but after a bit of self-reflection, I felt maybe I partied too much; maybe my bad decisions were related to alcohol use. How would or could I know either way?  So I entered  Alcoholics Anonymous,  reluctantly at first. Then I admitted (falsely but unknowingly so) that I was an alcoholic. It was certainly not the truth as it turned out. I had NO issues with alcohol itself or any drugs (I have never used a drug other than marijuana, tobacco cigarettes or alcohol). I managed to work on some life style decisions/choices and changed my life around in those 9 + years of sobriety. Why did I stay in AA that long?  Totally a different post, or maybe a post series could be devoted to my AA years. I emerged from these years changed and knowing I was never ever an alcoholic.  I resumed mild/social alcohol use of alcohol, going out way less than I ever have in my life. I was a good 5-10 years into my nursing profession. I was doing well. I even quit smoking cigarettes in August 2012.

Advance to January, 2016: I started a major lifestyle overhaul. I changed my diet completely and with that came a prescribed stop to regular alcohol consumption. You know what, it was a bit different at first, but no big deal. It is now the end of April and I drink maybe 3-4 alcoholic beverages at the VERY most in a month. At the most. I haven't delved into the world of the "420 experience" in more than 20 years.  I am  happy. Except I am dating in a drinking/420 loving Colorado.

I am not kidding. There has got to be some responsible non-marijuana users and/or non-excessive alcohol consumers in the dating pool?  The past few have told me literally I am closed minded when it comes to marijuana. I had asked about his lifestyle, if it was 420 friendly or complete with heavy alcohol use as I can not have that in my life, professionally and personally. He felt he couldn't hang with such closed minded individuals who don't want that in their life or can't. Either way. I explained that perhaps he does not know me. Perhaps he may need to know I am not judging him or his lifestyle; I just know me and its not something I want to surround myself with. I said "perhaps you could stop being judgmental of those who don't partake in those activities as we  non users are not judging you". He did not like that at all.  Most of all, I felt like I needed to explain why I did not use marijuana or want to be around people who use chronically. I felt like I needed to apologize, but you see, I have this profession. And this healthy lifestyle I am trying to maintain.  That's on me....the whole apologizing for my lifestyle choices.  I get that. And as another alcohol related conversation occurred within about a week ago, I started to see this apology thing was a trend...something for me to think about for myself.

So, this past week after ending the conversation permanently with Mr. 420 (he was definitely not the first person  who was 420 friendly), I came across Mr. Heavy Drinker. At first he was Mr. French Speaker. I liked that guy a lot more. He and I texted in French/English depending on how I was able to express myself. A few days in, he texted that he was out having a drink or more. Specifically, he said something to the effect of "I am in Evergreen, drinking heavily :)".....I am thinking ":-)"?? So I texted back asking if he did this often. He stated "as often as I can" went downhill from there, as you could imagine. I told him we would probably not be a match as I don't drink much. He texted back that if I drank more I could broaden my horizons and lower stress. I said that I didn't think that would be necessary, then delved in to explain WHY I don't drink often or heavily. My brief party girl life and marriage to an alcoholic. My lifestyle overhaul in January.  He said that I would probably label him an alcoholic in my eyes. I explained I do not label anyone else. Even my ex was a self-proclaimed alcoholic.  More explaining of my justification for not drinking often or heavily.

So the take home message became clearly obvious  in my post right now: why am I feeling like I  have to justify NOT using any marijuana or NOT wanting that element in my life?  Why am I bothering to explain why I don't wish to drink often or heavily, for ANY reason?  Why do I have to explain my choices of why I don't choose to have heavy drinkers or 420 partakers in my personal life? Why did I feel I needed a prologue in this very post to explain why I don't wish to drink much or smoke/use marijuana in anyway?

We don't need to explain our life style to others. Period. We have every right to ask about what we allow to enter into our lives. We don't  need to judge it, but we have a right to know without having to justify/explain our choices. And you know what? I would guess that the majority of people don't care anyway.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend!!

Sunday, April 24, 2016

PS: I cried

 I saw Purple Rain last night again and cried. I knew I would. Thank you again for your musical genius. They are playing Purple Rain in over 85 theaters around the nation.
I promise I will watch the other movie!

Your loving fan

Saturday, April 23, 2016

Sexy MF

To the one of the great musicians, Prince Rogers Nelson:

I recently read of your death on Thursday by lunch time. I was shocked.   So many people are mourning your death right now and for sure there's lots going on at First Avenue. The POTUS actually made a statement about you.

Thank you for being you. Your music from beginning to end changed me and I am so grateful for your insane amount of talent and your ability to share that unbridled talent with the world. You want to know what you and I had in common? How could a white Jewish young teen girl identify in any way, shape or form with you? Everything and nothing. I was young when you were just starting your stardom and making a name for yourself. I was blessed with the timing of your rise and starting to really pay attention to music back then. I had absolutely no friends, no social skills and no confidence. My parents were divorced and I had nothing to occupy my time, but music and TV. One night, I was at my father's house for the weekend and we all watched Purple Rain. I know that sounds so odd. That my father let us kids watch it and i was a young teen then. I loved it. It touched me.  Yes, it was a long time ago. Yes, I barely remember exactly the feelings. It was a general idea that this kid will survive and obtain greatness. I felt the rawness you had, the heart. Most of all, the talent.  Then you went on and continued on and showed more of your greatness.  I also remember that your 1999 album was one of my first albums ever. Back in a time that we only had albums!

I have got to hand it to you, your music made me realize that there is reward for uncensored raw talent; many didn't care for that. Especially Tipper Gore. I loved Darling Nikki and with that, you made the Filthy 15. Congrats!! Playing Erotic City on my college radio station resulted in a call from the station manager. Awesome! I was listening to your music and carefully to your lyrics with no sexual  experience at all.  I was a virgin for all those teen years. While  listening to your provocative lyrics and even your ballad Purple Rain...I experienced a sense of heart and soul and uncensored sexuality in music vicariously through your lyrics.  While your music initially shocked me, it  instantly shook me to the core. "You can do this? They can play this on the radio?"....Thank you for giving me the courage to play your music, regardless of the outcome. Being true to yourself, overcoming obstacles, and pushing all the limits. You had so much honesty and passion! Since I was certainly unpopular growing up, I never had an opportunity to see a concert....watching Purple Rain was my concert, or as close as I was going to get.

I'll admit it, I don't know all of your songs. I didn't know you knew how to play a large range of instruments until after your death.  I'll tell you though, with the music I do have in my possession, I am enjoying my favorites as well as listening to some I never took the time to listen to prior to your passing. I am listening to some of them now while I write you this letter.  I hope one day my writing will be half as honest and soulful as yours.

Rest In Peace you sexy MF,

A fan among millions