As we headed into the Boothbay region, I spoke with my sister and told her where I was and my nephew said "no fair". I don't blame him. I love this area and have come here with my family for so long, but always in the summer. It was a new experience to come with my husband in the RV, but I pointed out some of the places and it looks like he likes it also.Phew!
We arrived at Gray's homestead campground at around 5-6pm and found the most magnificent spot. I couldn't believe we had such a beautiful lot to park on right on the ocean. Apparently someone had this special spot reserved and everything and could NOT get their truck and fifth wheel in it. Personally, I heard that he wasn't experienced enough and it could have been done...selfishly I was glad, very glad...I have to admit that we loved the spot even when we just saw it on their map, site unseen. We paid for two nights in cash (they don't accept anything other than cash and traveler's checks). We got to the site, backing in (again, the Royal We) and overhanging just a bit so that our bedroom is practically over a bit of water. It is spectacular. We built a fire and realized that this is what we have been looking for!! So really, with a really long day behind us, I should have been so very tired.
Why, oh why couldn't I sleep.I probably got an hour or so ( but it didn't seem like it). I woke up feeling horrendous. I felt that I hadn't slept. The bed was so uncomfortable. Jeff was snoring. I couldn't move comfortably, on my back, on my side, on my belly. I COULD.NOT.SLEEP. The beautiful sound of the water lapping at the rocks. The pitter patter of the rain. The dogs keeping us warm. I COULD.NOT.SLEEP. I prayed for just an hour of hard sleep. I couldn't sleep. I realized a lot of things just were upside down, not right. just not working for me. I went outside when the rain stopped...peacefully and had a cigarette. That's one of the BIG things NOT working for me. I can't stand it. I keep quitting and going back when I am stressed. I hate it. The bed is not working for me...I felt horribly homesick. I just wanted the routine of back home and the people I can call up and see them. Have lunch with my friends. Go to the Mall. Not that I could have done ANY of these things at 330 in the morning, which turned into 430 in the morning. Finally I got Jeff's attention after I have been crying, praying, repeating the serenity prayer a trillion times. I just want this to end so I can relax and go to sleep. Homesickness, adjustment, self pity, what ever you want to call it, I don't care. I just want to sleep.
Jeff woke up and talked to me in bed for a while and then we got up and we smoked.I told him that this has to end, the smoking. I can't stand it. He agreed (at least for me quitting!) and was glad I had put into effect a no smoking rule in the RV. It is SOOO much nicer now that we smoke outside the RV. I want to get the nicorette gum at the next major pharmacy we come across. I know I have promised my mom and dad and all caring family and friends to stop smoking. And I have been able to for periods at a time. Then something happens. I need more faith that if I can outlast the desire for a cigarette or that lurking notion that I think I actually need one, I will be fine. I think there is something in the second step for me in that. Even though technically the second step and the idea that there is a HP between me and alcohol can also go for cigarettes. I am sure of it. I just need to pray for the courage to get past that moment when I think I absolutely want or need one (because we all know we do NOT need cigarettes ever). But I digress, slightly.
Jeff suggested that we watch an episode of the Sopranos and gave me my medication to help me sleep (which I never did take that night). Then we both crawled back in bed and listened to the pitter patter as I serenely fell asleep. Thank you God. Thank you Jeff, my husband who I can always wake up when I feel like this (although I really don't want to).
So I am going to really work on a date where I can quit. I HATE smoking. Bye bye Marlboro..pick on someone your own size. Jeff has soothed me enough after my episode and I woke up this morning at 1100 am or so and I didn't have a smoke till after noon. Progress not perfection.
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