Last Supper in Cougar Town

So, I would never go to the Stampede alone in my former party days. Someone always dragged me there who fared better with Western Two-step than I ever did. In the days of pre-2003, it was always about the party; in 2008, I had no idea what it was about. So, Sarah got my 39 year-old body there there this time and we got there somewhat early I believe (we were not major night owls with our respective work schedules). Other than chatting with Sarah (who had gone off somewhere temporarily, dancing probably), I was people watching. Watching drunk people is not as entertaining when you are not drunk yourself. I was actually pretty bored and out of sheer boredom and a splash of regret, I started talking to some tall person next to me. I met C.as a result of my infinite wisdom of talking to strange men. Some habits die hard, I tell you. And this strange man, my friends, was very much a boy, as it turned out.

After chatting outside (I really needed fresh air at that moment, if not sooner) and smoking way too many cigarettes(I know that concept of fresh air and getting a smoke was too logical for anyone to follow), I thought this boy was quite the grown up. Here I was, 39 years old and all; I should definitely know who all you are, wise men of the world. Wait, oxymoron, I know....anyway... So, this guy C. tells me he is twenty-something, and as bored as I was, my head was taking a very vivid time-capsule trip back to Sex and the City's episode of "Valley of the Twenty-somethings". This is my version.

He divulged information appropriate for an attractive pedigree. Things like college degree, new truck, CPA, employed in his field as a CPA (equally impressive as holding the CPA title), dog owner. Pretty cool for a twenty-something. I definitely didn't have all that going on at that young an age. I, for exactly 5-10 days (maximum), thought that was very admirable. So he asked for my number so he could pick me up the next day for a sushi dinner. He arrived that next day in same said truck, dressed in nice clean clothes, looking nice even though he drove to my condo directly from work; he drove me to Hapa Sushi in Cherry
Creek. We had a great time and for a few more days, things went along a very trendy dating pattern. I was fairly satisfied. I ended up at his place one night after watching movies way late (Lidiya was watching Max; I could never forget Max), and I saw that the dog was still outside and honestly, in the late hours that were were out, I totally forgot he had a dog and it was very cold. I made the mistake of warning him about keeping the dog outside with the really cold weather. The dog owner piece of the pedigree was suddenly questionable; he quickly brought the dog in, objecting to my admonishments. Jesus, the dog had some mighty frosty fur. I left early in the morning to get back to my dog whom (or is a dog just property in which case I would us "which") suddenly missed greatly and subsequently, I submitted to pangs of guilt over leaving him with Lidiya (though she took great care of Max). I should have been home and not over there helping to thaw out his pup.

A few days later, we went to the movies and he paid, which was nice. While waiting for the movie to start, I found out that this guy and I did NOT see eye to eye on pretty much any political scenario (Steve C, I am sure you guys would have hit it off and I am so glad I never dated you Steve!). He made a comment about Walmart's employees being so lucky to have jobs with Walmart. Back then, when I had a political boycott against that place due to some Frontline (or some such show) expose, I couldn't contain myself. I just couldn't-it was off to the races. We debated on all things Walmart, employee benefits, employee vacation allotments, pay wages, etc. I was livid. I didn't think C. was really going to make it in Cougar Town much longer. I stayed for the movie and even sat next to C.the whole time, which was pretty big of me, seeing as his Walmart politics were definitely not jiving with mine. So after 2 hours in the dark with C and watching the movie, I wasn't impressed with either. The best thing about being in that movie theater was the popcorn and my cherry icee.

My last date with C. was about 1-2 weeks in and I was to arrive at his house for dinner. I arrived there and what was waiting for me, quite frankly, disgusted me. He was getting ready to put some sausage in a pot of boiling water to boil...with uncooked pasta. The idea of pasta getting all soft and boiling in a pot of water and cased sausage made me want to hurl, almost immediately. Before he made the pasta (and sausage), I asked him if there was anything else that perhaps we could, because I didn't want to stomach the sausage (I was trying to be nice because sausage does give me some excessive gastric issues), but it soon came out that I thought the idea of boiling the pasta and cased sausage(or any kind of sausage would have yielded the same verdict from moi) was hideous and un-chef like. He said "then I guess you won't be eating anything because you should like what ever I make for you". Excellent. "Go look in the cabinet and see if there are any vegetables you want". Wait, aren't vegetables usually in the produce section of your fridge, C? Nope. Apparently they are stacked in cans of salty fluid in the pantry. Canned asparagus?yummy. I am in for a treat. Not. I asked if we could both go to the grocery together and make dinner together. I passionately tried to plea vigorously for this option so that we could try to enjoy the night and simultaneously not sounding so fussy (though I really think I could make a case for not boiling together the pasta and sausage). Wow, what a mature compromise...so very cool. No, not according to C., who consequently called me ungrateful and other equally savory names. Exciting!! And look how much I missed the drama. Ummm, notsomuch. I just lost my patience with the man-child at that precise moment I saw canned asparagus and he declined to opt for fresh veggies. Immediately, I wanted to leave and grab food with Lidiya (I texted her, telling her I would be home very soon to eat dinner and she was all good with that). I told him something NOT quite this polite: "maybe, this is a dinner better left uneaten;I think I just better leave period.". I left and called Lidiya before my car was even warmed up.
That was the last straw, and indeed, the Last Supper was much better left uneaten.

My next 2008 Dating Experiment post is coming soon!

I have no excuse for not posting. I could say I have no Internet connection, but I have access to my blog on my iPhone and yet, it's been too long and I apologize! Accept my apology knowing I will post my next installment in the 2008 dating experiement by this weekend. Hang in there Megan (and other fans!) and keep reading! I have some more experiments gone awry. For example, you will soon read about my experiment my friends fondly coined my "cougar" experiment (I hate that phrase, and I will explain more later). You will further read, as you patiently wait, about my experiment also known to some as my "non-judgmental" phase; I kind of call it my slumming experiment. I think you will figure it all out. Stay tuned!!

the 2008 Dating Experiment: the Russian

I honestly can not remember the general order in which some of these memorable men came in to my life, albeit so briefly. The fact that I still remember them is a dubious honor for them, since the stories don't represent them fondly. I can't resist; I have to tell you just a few little experiments that happened as a result of Match.com and eharmony.com. As to not slander or libel (I really don't have time for lawerly like people), I am going to stay shush about who is who. I actually met only two out of four of these people through those sites and one from a bar late at night when I was tired and bored; the remaining guy (yes, yes...I am going to have to keep you all guessing) was a mutual aquaintance. I may throw in another one or two from the year if they come up. Seriously, it does not really matter, does it? I am glad I can laugh about it now. At the time, I knew that I seriously had a defective frog issue. There was not a single frog I kissed that didn't just belch in my face, basically saying "can you still not tell in your late 30's who is who? You still are kissing the toads and not even an eligible frog!!". I could have sworn that, until December 5, 2008, the entiretry of 2008 was a colossal dating nightmare. Maybe thats why one of my wedding songs was Peter Gabriel's Kiss that Frog. But I digress.

So, down Memory Lane, I finally met a guy who was not huge or drunk sounding on the phone and he was decent looking and was not trying to pose for the profile pictures. ...So you are probably thinking this was a dating site. You are probably right. He was the Russian. He had a baseball hat on and a teeshirt in his picture; he wasn't smiling, but looked pleasant enough anyway. This whole bit of baseball hat and lack of teeth (I know I am not buying a horse, but still) should have been a red flag. But no, I gave him a chance; my 2003 dating year was the year for slumming it, 2008 was going to be much better. So he finally called as I felt okay giving my phone number out with a sufficient number of email exchanges.

We met at a coffee shop nearby and I had plans to hang out with my friend Steve later on and I told Steve "please please call me when you are near by as I may need to leave this date". I get there and see a guy that's just a few sizes larger than previously represented, but not huge (this reminds me of a poor case of a 2006 date that was obsessed about BMI since he was skinny in so many areas except his stomach and was looking for an overall percentage). The Russian was carrying a caramel macchiato type drink (very large) to the table. Then he smiled. Then I didn't (smile) so much. His teeth were horrid. They were grey. They were uneven. Some were missing. Please, can I get a break this year? Please? Yes? NO! The answer is a resounding NO as evidenced by the subsequent dates of 2008. ANYWAY, not only were his teeth damaged, but he has literally admitted that he does not care about fixing his teeth as he loves his sweet drinks and the diabetes doesn't help, so why fix it? WHY FIX IT? Hello?? So, his obesity and teeth have now been explained by things other than, but not excluding , caramel macchiatos. So as I completed the initial physical assessment, he provided me with his very own in-depth psychoanalysis. He told me about his ex who took a few of their chidren "somewhere". Something happened to the children when he and the ex went to jail and did some drugs. I was fuzzy on the details while his Russian accent was yammering on. Please say these children were safe somewhere. I did not dare ask. I was really starting to lose patience until he exposed his arms. Then I lost the rest of my patience. Right there. On the spot. So, you ask, did he have tattoos all over his arms? No. not really. As I have tattoos, that would not have really bothered me, other than the objectionable nature of such tattoos. But, he revealed no tattoos at all; the Russian displayed an unhealthy quantity of hash marks all over his arms. Yes, arms is plural; he told me the winter before (approximately 9 months maximum), he attempted suicide. "I am taking Prozac and I am all better". Yes, did you hear that? All better. Ithinknot. He proceeded to tell me how it was everyone else's fault as to how he got this way ("I had to quit drinking and quit the crack," said the Russsian.). Jesus. I would say honestly, when I thought I could not take it any longer, Steve called. Saved by the bell, literally. I thanked the Russian for his time. "So do you want me to call you tonight when you get home?"NO, really, that won't be necessary.

A little trip down memory lane...circa 2008

So, after watching Sex and the City 2 Friday night as I promised I would, I started to take a detour down memory lane as I was chatting with a friend at Cherry Creek Mall. We both reminisced my dating blunders and I told her that while I was thinking how funny and dramatically pathetic my latter single-hood was, I was a feeling not so right in sharing these stories now in this forum. Because, after all, I am married, happily! We had a little discussion, oh, for about 1 minute, and concluded that because it was inspired by SATC, and I was mostly single when I was watching SATC (except for this last movie), it would be okay for me to take a supervised detour down that road. For a very limited time. And because a few friends (married before me) always had the joy of vicariously enjoying my exploits (regardless of my temporal pleasure). Now, I can laugh about it and hopefully, my husband has a sense of humor.

So, I bring to you Memory Lane's newest and most recent addition before being shut down, the year 2008. 2008 included the Sausage Guy (seriously, this pertains to food, really!!!), Superman, and the Russian (and believe me, this Russian is no where as enticing as Carrie's Russian). There are a few others. I am going to enjoy the holiday tomorrow and I have some plans as long as Lidiya does not have her baby tomorrow. Look forward to a walk down memory lane this week! Bring a Diet Pepsi and a cupcake to the computer and have a few short reads!

Am I a visitor already?

After spending so much time getting acclimated to Florida, I felt a little odd coming back to Colorado. I did not really think about it till about a week before my arrival in Denver. Jeff told me that I may feel like I am out of place. I definitely feel out of place when I went to pick up my bags and Sarah and Kaya were there waiting for me, the traveller. Colorado is finally enjoying nice mid 70s weather and I can't even appreciate it since I have been going to the beach, tanning, and swimming every day in 85 degree weather. I knew weather would have its effect. Just being back in Colorado with out my own car or place to live obviously makes me feel out of place. I am so grateful I have a car to use on the weekdays and a place to live for the total three weeks that I will be here.

On the few occasions where I feel like a local, I am reminded that I live in Florida when someone at the store asks for my ID, or someone asks for my number. I am no longer a 720 person; I belong to 941. How odd is that? And that's coming from someone who had to accept a 720 area code who lived in 303 land for a long time! If it was not for a few favorite people in Colorado, I think I would still be enjoying the Florida sunshine! Maybe, THEY should be the visitors! I am heading back June 8. Is anybody coming with me?

Sex and The City

So, I am obsessed. Obsessed like a school child. I love SATC. I even tried to win two tickets to the movie. FB had me as a fan of SATC and I somehow signed up for an opportunity to have SJP call me on opening day. Oh my God, how high school. So I punched in the number that they said SJP would call for. How ridiculous do I feel to have "Sarah Jessica Parker" on my phone list? Really freaking ridiculous! But let's not stop there.   When I found out that I could read an easy cheesy brain candy kind of book, I felt lucky!Joy!! The Carrie Diaries was a fast read and a little introduction to the beginnings of Carrie Bradshaw before New York. It's kind of funny that I always was wondering about her beginnings as I related to her the most (we are all always a mixture of the four women) and she never really talks about her past at all. I read this book in about 2-3 sittings. I had to have a SATC fix before going this Friday to see SATC2!

So, what's the plan for Friday? Sarah and I (and maybe others, if they can escape for the event) are meeting up for dinner and a late show of SATC2. I am going to dress up the best I can and we are going to have a nice dinner and off to the races! I am even going to get the movie tickets early so they are not sold out! Thinking ahead...nothing will get between me and my four OTHER friends. See you then!

Learning Italian in my spare time or Why I love free iPhone apps

While I see how much joy the $15 MLB app has brought Jeff, I am not interested in the least little itty bitty bit in paying for apps if I can get useful ones for free. I have found some very useful ones that I use almost daily or weekly. My newest favorite finds are my two foreign language helpers. I have a translating program for free and an Italian study app. While it is not surprising to have a free translator (people use them all the time from the Internet to mislead people into actually thinking they know the language or if they want to engage in foreign foreplay with people on Facebook on other continents), it is a really easy app to have on the iPhone to just click on the icon and it goes right to the site. The other app is an Italian study site that is very basic (I am sure the one they want to charge customers for is much better and thorough). The basics are audio flash cards of 155 words and quizzes and flash cards set up to help you pronounce the word (and it will correctly pronounce when you are ready). I have a beginner's Italian textbook, but I haven't had a chance to delve into it, so exposure to Italian words in my spare time (waiting for a pedicure, for American Idol to start, during TV commercials) is a much better use of the wasted minutes, far better than smoking in my spare time.

These are the apps I have installed and I am searching for a scrabble app. You are supposed to rate them, I suppose. I will just rate them here:
*:haven't actually tried yet
**:okay (meaning if I don't use them in the next 60 days I will unintstall them)
***: very usable
****:I use it all the time

Facebook:*** (except I don't think I am fully utilizing iPhone's capability for FB)
Elle shopping guide:**
Lucky magazine: **
Pandora:****
IMBD(Independent Movie Database):****
WebMD:**
Southwest:***
Allrecipes:***
12-step:**
What's on?(TV schedule):**
Travelocity:**
Translator: * (I will keep it for when I go to Italy next year)
Free Tutorial by AccelaStudy(Italian):***
Zillow:*
Facebook **