Well, it took me a while: the rest of Key Largo

So, there are many things I enjoyed about Key Largo. I had an interesting time at RUSK. I liked some of the people I met there, but recovery in some respects, really concerned me there. People do not take meetings as seriously as I would have hoped. While they are on Key Largo time, some newcomers may need a meeting and are desperately trying to get there in time for a meeting. Oh, but where are the trusted servants?Oh, yeah, they are over there, gabbing, catching up, whatever. Hmmm, who is in the meeting room starting a meeting to best help the newcomer on a timely basis? Not many people. But some of the people proved to be very friendly and I am grateful for them. I am not the type of person to socialize with just anyone. I am MUCH more likely to observe some one's integrity when it comes to her program of recovery.

Some of the meetings mystified me: people started using other words and substituting words in the first step, suggesting to others that maybe others should consider a new reading on the first step. For example, someone suggested using the word "unbearable" instead of "unmanageable". Poor baby! Take some freaking responsibility and accountability for what your powerlessness did and TAKE the first step the way it was written! Then this suggestion and false message of pathetic unbearability transcended several meetings! Yikes! Scary! I did with some aggravation, I will admit, set the message straight. Fortunately, by this time, I met a woman early in recovery to help with the steps and pass on the actual message of AA, as it is found in the Big Book. I am so grateful I had the opportunity to help this young woman. This is how I stay sober!

In spite of my previous post, I had a really relaxing time in Key Largo; after all, I accomplished my PADI open water certification and my New Years resolution to stop smoking. While I can't say that first week or two of not smoking were relaxing, the freedom from smoking was extremely rewarding. In Key Largo, I met someone with whom I baked a lot (gingerbread cookies and cupcakes and more). We even made a wonderfully tasty dinner and over the course of 3-4 weeks watched several movies, genres evenly divided between alcoholic and chick flick! It was a lot of fun. This same woman offered Jeff and me the use of her boat. Along with her (soon to be ex) husband, Jeff and I went out to Molasses Reef to snorkel on New Years Eve. While there were too many jelly fish for me and the motion of the boat on the waves made me ill (literally, I provided fish food to the lucky ones on the reef), I had a great deal of fun. Any idea Jeff and I EVER had of owning any kind of boat was quickly put to bed when I told Jeff "there is NO fucking way I will ever live on a boat". Yep, that's what I said and that pretty much sums it up. Don't worry, I will still be able to go on dive boats and all that, but LIVING on a boat....well, I think I have given up that ghost.

I spent the last 2-3 weeks helping the (somewhat) newcomer get through the beginning steps, baking an awful lot, visiting Mrs Macs more than ever, and taking care of my "high maintenance" needs like hair cuts, waxing, and a pedicure! Mrs Macs is worthy of much more than a mention.

We first went to Mrs Macs on a whim to satisfy a recommendation from a woman I spoke with at the dog park on Tybee Island, Georgia. Jeff and I enjoyed this restaurant and I HIGHLY recommend it to anyone. So, remember, my tastes are specific: I loved their special sauce dressing, their cottage fries, and this pita sandwich they made. Granted I asked for it with out a few items, the pita sandwich with turkey breast was awesome. The servers (all female that I had) were friendly and one in particular was lots of fun and friendly with everyone; her name is Sarah and she was very familiar with Chandler's Ford in England where I first started my partying career as she, herself, lived not far from this little town near Southampton. The desserts were tasty as well! Jeff enjoyed the fish basket and other seafood meals. If and when we return to Key Largo, we are definitely spending some time at Mrs. Mac's.

There were a few other restaurants that I went to, but I only went to them a small handful of times. There was the Pilot House, DJ's Diner, Harriette's(spelling?) and they were fun, but they were not places I would probably choose to be a regular. I come back to Mrs. Macs because they remember I am the one with the unsweetened tea and the malt vinegar on the fries. I am going to keep coming back. See you next time Sarah and the gang at Mrs Macs!

Day #7- A bad habit dying very very hard

Sooo, smoking at the moment is a thing of the past. I feel that the physical part is way in the past. It's the habit part that is kicking my ass. To be honest, the physical part of smoking was deplorable and easy to let go. The physical effects of being smoke-free are glorious: hair smells fresh and clean (well, as long as I shampoo somewhat regularly), clothes smell clean, and breath does not resemble a human ashtray (this is one of the most disgusting facets of smoking hygiene, or lack there of). I wish that's all there was, the remnants of a nasty habit gone bye bye. Ciao, adios, shalom.

Nope, it could never be that easy. That's why this quitting smoking thing SUCKS! The physical reasons are the reasons we quit (the short term physical benefits as well as the long term physical/medical plusses). Honestly, I did not quit because I wanted to stop doing something that is: enjoyable, calming (paradoxical as that sounds to a non smoker), and well, so damn habitual. Smoking is not a glamorous social sport. It just happens to be what you would find me doing when I got off work, work breaks, after meal times, before, during &after watching the sopranos, movies, driving a long distance or in traffic. And any other time you think "why not smoke now...sounds like a great time for a light".

So if you ask me for the truth, I will tell you. I enjoyed smoking. I enjoyed the ritual; I enjoyed having a smoke with friends after an AA meeting or dinner; I had fun smoking with fellow smokers during the Sex and The City movie and all the episodes. I enjoyed smoking on my own when I was single and watched tons of foreign movies and chick flicks by myself. Quitting smoking for some reason seems more difficult than the whole drinking thing and that sounds absurd; maybe I don't remember the drinking thing as well. I remember obsessing and then being neutral to alcohol. Perhaps, down the line, I will be neutral to cigarettes. I don't believe I need a gift of desperation. I don't need cancer or a respiratory disease to get me to quit. For me, smoking is just a dirty nasty ludicrous habit that is going to require a really good fight.

These are the cigarettes I enjoyed and smoked for any length of time (I feel I ought to identify the opponent in the battle):

The Main Event:
Alyssa
vs.
Marlboro Reds
Marlboro blend 27 (I think this is the name)
Marlboro Lights
Camel Lights
Camel Special Lights
Camel Pink no 9
Camel special blends
Parliament lights


I think I have enough fight to kill the habit! We will see at day 30, day 60 day 90! Day 90 will be a big one as that's about as long as I have ever gone.

But we will take it one day at a time.

Holiday season in the RV

We are having a beautiful (and warm) time on Key Largo! We can't believe we are enjoying 75 degree weather at the end of December. We have met some really great people on Key Largo and I really could see living here. We have had such an amazing time with the weather and biking all around and allowing me the experience to learn diving and pick out snorkeling equipment that we made a joint decision to not exchange presents. We are just enjoying the simple pleasures of new experiences, friends, and baking skills. Gingerbread hearts can get pretty creative, I have learned.

We have been making new connections and establishing opportunities to provide service within the AA community, such as the alcothon at the RUSK club. Apparently everyone here knows the RUSK club, even TA (The Scuba Instructor). I am about to take off on my blue and white cherished Huffy to close the Christmas Day alcothon.

Well, back to the whole "holiday thing": so, Jeff, feeling festive, bought stockings and Santa hats. I bought him a card and put my mother's Chanukah gelt in his stocking. Considering we are giving no gifts, I wanted the bare minimum and that's what I did! That's not what Jeff did. He had to go and be all sneaky & stuff. Into my stocking went lots of candy and a card. Lots MORE candy than he got! Why did he have to be so sweet? Then today when I went to a meeting, he went and refilled my stocking. He told me to go look because he saw that there may be something still in there. WHAT???!! There was more in my stocking. So much for the joint decision made as a married couple. And they were wrapped! I opened two precious photos, in frames and everything. Max and our three dogs were in the photos respectively! I love you Jeff!

One more holiday and we will be into 2010. Our last unofficial holiday is our first wedding anniversary and that happens January 13, 2010, two days before we leave this RV site in Key Largo.

Cocaine...no, I mean coffee!

The weirdest thing happened this morning and it made me laugh out loud. I was reading my book The History of Love (which is great so far, by the way) and the Great Value Colombian COFFEE can was sitting outside. It caught my eye and I started reading the wrapper as "COcaine experts agree that Colombian COcaine is among the best in the world". I couldn't help laughing, especially because I have NEVER done cocaine in my life. Really. Truly. Could you imagine. Coffee is not the same as cocaine, clearly.

Fredericksburg, VA meeting

Well, we did try to get to a noon meeting via Betty (have you met Betty?She's our trusty gps component). However, we could not find the Germana Church. The rest of the town has Germanna(two n's) references, but this was a singular "n" per Virginia's AA site. This was not the problem however. The problem was that we got to the destination and there was a whole lot of construction trucks and flat land and not a whole lotta church. Oh well......

We found another meeting that evening in a church in old town Fredericksburg. Being that it was a Tuesday evening church meeting, we figured there would be about 10-20 people. We thought wrong. We walked to the side entrance of the church where there were about 20 people smoking before the meeting. We walked in to this big room and tons of chairs were set up. I would have not known it was for a Tuesday night meeting unless I saw the group smoking out front. We sat down in a meeting that was easily 75-80 people large. It was a really good meeting. I love to hear newcomers talk. The topic was change and change in new sobriety. I have been saying that all these meetings have been great all the way around the country, but this was probably the biggest meeting I have been to since Old Kent in Denver this summer. WOW! Anyway, we met quite a few people and talked afterward with some other Friends of Bill W. Then it was time to go home and watch the end of Hell's Kitchen and Baseball. Of course, from the previous blog I just posted, we know how this night turned out.

We may go to another VA meeting, but otherwise we will get to a meeting in NC! See you soon!

Mystic Pizza

We decided on going to Mystic, CT; Jeff agreed as I was so enthralled with Mystic Pizza. I really wanted to get a "piece of heaven" from the pizzeria made famous by their secret sauce and more popular by Hollywood! Jeff thought I was making such a big deal about some pizza place where they shot a singular scene. He got the message of the movie when we got a seat in a booth. For one thing, the movie is constantly being played (on mute-I can't imagine how annoying this is for the servers, even on mute). Also, there are photos all over the restaurant of producers and actresses filming the movie. As I was the dutiful and dorky tourist, I checked out the postcards (and I bought two). The young woman behind the counter (who looked like she was born after 1988) admitted she had not seen the movie, but said that before Matt Damon was any kind of star, he was in the movie Mystic Pizza. I think I vaguely remember the character he would have played (according to the pre-Mystic Pizza girl who had never seen the movie). This gives me an excuse to check it out, just for Matt Damon's sake. Because I am sure he really is counting on the royalties from my DVD purchase.

We had a great pizza, served quickly. We then went off to a meeting in Mystic. We did go to a meeting in Newport, RI, so I am staying with my commitment to go to a meeting in every state that we stay in. To be brutally honest, it was rainy and cold and we forgot the pass we needed to go in and out of the RV park easily, so we were going to table the idea of going. Jeff would have loved to stay put in the warm RV, but he did want to go also. The RV manager knocked on our door, gave us a key, and we were off to Mystic, CT (we are staying in North Stonington, CT). I think I pushed the idea of going especially when we got the key just in time to leave for dinner and the meeting because I want to keep this commitment; I don't want to start bending the rules for weather. I played the card of "you would go out in a storm for alcohol but not a little rain?"....cheap shot I know.

We are off to New Jersey tomorrow to visit Jeff's cousin Pam and my old college room mate Stacey on Sunday. It will be like a reunion in NJ for both Jeff and me. See you soon!

A Maine woman

I am feeling much better since that last posting, thanks. I went to a few meetings and talked more with Jeff. We had a fabulous time watching Max get pissed off by the shoreline, watching the moon rise over the horizon right in front of our campsite, and walking through Boothbay Harbor.

We took a cab to get into Boothbay Harbor Wednesday. After I walked all the way up to the main house to catch the cab, the lady offered to drive down and pick up Jeff. I don't know if Jeff didn't really see her or wasn't paying attention, but he called her sir about twice. I was mortified. He kept insisting he could not tell she was a woman. I kept saying "couldn't you hear her voice...she kept talking about the weather?" (but she kept talking in a very nice way, not annoying). He couldn't tell, apparently. We got out of the cab in the Harbor and again "thank you sir!"...Oh, I hope she didn't hear him. She was so nice.

We went shopping around in the rain and I found (not quickly enough, but fairly immediately) a raincoat more than 50% off. I had been looking for a rain coat for a while ,and after my family has been going to this part of Maine in the height of their summer season for the better part of a couple decades, I thought it only fair that I get a really good deal in October. Yay! We went to dinner at Kaler's where Jeff really really enjoyed his lobsters. I got garlic butter shrimp. Not bad. I think Jeff enjoyed his lobsters much more. To be honest and all. Because that's what I am striving for! While we were finishing up, we asked about the church we were getting to for our meeting. Someone overheard us as we were getting misinformation from the waiter. They offered to give us a ride and we did take them up on it, which was really nice because it was not (our) walking distance from the restaurant. It was rainy and cold and the ride was really nice, even when Jeff started talking about the 7pm service that we were going to. They started talking about the new minister and asked if he was Episcopalian. He said "we are Quaker and Jewish" and I said "guess who is who" and they seemed to get a kick out of that.

After they dropped us off super super early (6:10pm), we started to investigate the beautiful new church. Some other people showed up. They actually had tea to drink as well as the requisite coffee. There was a birthday cake and a really nice share by someone celebrating his 30 year birthday. After the meeting, one of the men was talking with Jeff and we shared the story about the cab ride and how Jeff did not know the cab driver was a woman. The man simply said with brutal honesty, "it's some times hard to tell the difference between a Maine woman and a man". I think that made Jeff feel a little better.

Thursday we went to a noon meeting at another church, followed by another meal at Kaler's. We then drove to Greenville. I will save Greenville for later.

When in Rome...

...hit a meeting in a wonderful little church on a Monday evening at 8pm. Rome, NY that is. We, that's the Royal We because We is really Jeff, drove from Niagara Falls to Rome, NY on Monday to catch this meeting that I found on my Blackberry. Yay New York for having a fairly reasonable New York AA site that can be easily navigated on a BlackBerry (sorry, I can't say that same thing for you Indiana AA). We drove up the church parking lot just as the church bells struck 8. This is just perfect. We followed another anonymous alcoholic (he was try to finish smoking...clear giveaway so close to a church and all) into the side entrance of the church into the basement.

This was a meeting that started just minutes before we got there so I am not sure if they did introductions, but after the meeting when we introduced ourselves, they realized they forgot to ask about visitors, but that was quite okay. We listened to alcoholics help out a newcomer and really, isn't that what its all about? We have meetings so that we can help the newcomer and this guy seemed so scared. Jeff shared, but I just stayed quiet...yes, little ol' me...quiet... It is really nice to get to a meeting where people share with the same quirky experiences, down and dirty experiences, and mostly just how they got their first step...pretty much like any meeting I have been to. It's good to go anywhere and (for the most part) get the same clear message. I say for the most part and I will leave it at that. We were grateful to find this meeting in Rome. Thanks New York AA for posting it and thanks to Betty, our fearless Garmin GPS, for getting us there safely!

After we left the meeting, Jeff drove clear from Rome NY (our detour from Niagara Falls) to the state line in Maine and we crashed in the visitor's center at 0345 Tuesday morning! We then found a few brochures, thanks to Jeff's jaunt to the actual visitor center lobby. We picked out a brochure and went that afternoon to Gray's Homestead campground. That's for the next posting.

We are keeping true with getting at least one meeting in every state we stay in (not necessarily every stop within the same state). We are looking forward to our Maine meetings.

A meeting in every state & my experience in Akron, Ohio

I have had a few blog postings I have been meaning to write on varied topics, but I will enter them separately as I can! The internet availability has proven to be a bit of an obstacle, but I intend to be able to get internet somewhere, somehow!! The first week has actually gone really quickly. I was hoping to get to a meeting in every state. To be really honest, this is not going to be possible. Our new proposal is to get to a meeting in every state that we stay at least one night in! Honesty...progress, not perfection....

We got to a meeting in Lincoln (NE), Iowa City (IA), Princeton (IL), and Akron (OH). Our meetings have been amazing and I could not have been happier to meet people all over the place. We got to Akron on Saturday. I got goose bumps just being within 30 minutes of Akron, the birthplace of Alcoholics Anonymous. The emotions are incredible. Just pulling into Akron and locating Ardmore was amazing. The street is still cobblestone and the home is a nice corner property. We parked the RV and walked up 12 steps (is this a coincidence? I think not) to 855 Ardmore. We walked in and a friendly volunteer (who happened to be a Friend of Bill W.’s) said, “Welcome Home”….Wow!! As I moved into one of the rooms, I can't explain how amazing it was to see an artifact from history in front of me...an artifact used by the typist to complete the Big Book's manuscript....I got to see the actual typewriter used to type the text for our Big Book and the stories that were in the back (of course it wasn't really termed the Big Book back during the manuscript production). The foundation apparently archived enough documents to get the house next door and a lot of them are housed right next to Dr. Bob’s home. We went up stairs and saw some of Dr. Bob’s secret hiding places for his stashes of booze….very ingenious doctor (ha!). He used one of the rooms for his surrender room and a newer copy of the big book was open to the third step prayer, though the room reportedly was where he really originally decided he was done with the whole drinking business. I guess I still had to be a tourist (in awe) because we put our chips down near the book and took a picture. This was such an amazing experience. We then went and saw a reprint of the original Saturday Evening Post article by Jack Alexander (that’s mentioned in the Big Book). Very intense. I felt that I was stepping into Bill’s story….I felt I needed more of Bill’s story and really wanted to go the meeting held at the old Hotel Mayflower, but not before I had Jeff take a picture of me on the 9th step in front of Dr. Bob’s home.

With Jeff’s expert detective work, we knew the Hotel Mayflower was no longer operational in its original form-it was now housing for senior residents and those with special needs…or something. When we went into the city of Akron and found this place, it was evidently sad and depressing. This large building, this old antique hotel, apparently very special back in the day, is now more or less dilapidated and neglected, lacking much of the security for its residents that I was told it had. The economy of Akron is definitely not what it used to be (as I can imagine). When we stepped inside, we got to the lobby and saw “The Phone” and the Church Directory!! WOW! Even though the bar is no longer there, I still felt like I was back in 1935 and I felt the emotions that possibly every other AA feels when standing right in front of a piece of critical history. I try not to get into the “what if’s” that I constantly asked my sponsor(s) in the first years of my sobriety (“what if Bill just went to the bar anyway?”, “what if Dr. Bob kicked him out and wouldn’t even give him 15 minutes”). What if what if what if????Shut up shut up shut up. We aren’t really in the “why” business anymore, right?

Then we went to the meeting at 6pm on Saturday at the Mayflower. Jeff knew this was not the safest part of town. I think I was probably naïve, even though I saw that the dilapidated architecture closely mirrored the apparent saddened economical state of the city. The meeting, regardless of its surroundings was awesome…its always great to be in a meeting of AA anywhere in the country. Welcome home!

Thanks:)

We had a party today and it was great to see all the people that showed up after all that preparation. It helps me get over my denial. The denial revolved around my whereabouts next weekend- I won't be in Golden! If we have a going away party, that means we actually ARE Going away............deep breath....okay...going away means outside of my comfort zone. Going away means leaving my area code. Going away means GOING AWAY. If I can just stay in the moment, I will actually be able to get everything done because I will NOT be paralyzed by the fear of leaving everything I know. That makes sense...now to practice in the moment. I will let you know that works for me.

It's getting really real, isn't it?

I am realizing that the big day is MUCHCLOSER than it appears in my head ....like images in the driver's side mirror. Wow! I can't even begin to imagine how much I am going to miss PPC though I didn't know a single member of the fellowship 100 days ago....strange. I am starting to really get how much I am going to miss my friends in Colorado. It's going to be weird that I can't just see them when ever I want, but I am really glad I had the opportunity to be more accessible to a lot of people in these last eight months. I can't even believe it has been that long. I got this new laptop in January, but only just started to really make headway with this blog in the writing arena...not working since January has been an amazing self-discovery of what I really wanted to focus on...travel & writing. Now I am going to be doing both and I am really excited....

Right now, I am recovering from a horrid Scrabble loss. I suffered from an embarrassing display of sportsmanship (or lack thereof). Jeff thinks my "sore loser" mentality relates to my morals...the nerve. He's just giving me a hard time-he does not lose that much more gracefully than I. It drains my energy nonetheless and I will reserve my thoughts on the enlightening game of scrabble for another post. It should suffice to say that anyone that puts down TINSLES deserves to be challenged and subsequently blocked from further BINGOS.....

Two weeks to go and ???

Wow! I am starting to really think about my RV checklist. It's not like the stranded island/three things to bring game, but it's limited space to share with Jeff, Sadie, Max & Fenway.....how to prioritize the inventory?!

Besides my clothes and essential toiletries which are non-negotiable (in my not so humble opinion), I have to figure out how to ration space for our anniversary version Scrabble game (and OSPD), books, CDs and DVDs. Then there are the hobbies, books, etc for Jeff and toys for the dogs. What to do?! Our tangible tools for recovery are first priority, but I am glad we can somewhat share those! I snagged the Grapevine (the new one with the big stone EGO that needs to be smashed on the front cover... that one). I can imagine several other Daily Meditation books that will save the (insane and uncertain) day, so those are a given....I read daily, so I know I will only have limited space for the many books on my shelf I have not yet read...If any of you have any MUST READ recommendations, let me know! My Big Book will not get left behind.....no way, so don't worry!

Cooking is going to be a challenge if we want to eat anything other than Marie Callender's Chicken Pot Pie & Kraft Macaroni and Cheese (imitations don't suffice here). Jeff makes fabulous breakfasts, so I am in charge of lunch/dinner. I am going to have to smuggle in some really useful recipe cards and recipes in cookbooks (that don't count against my regular book inventory) that don't involve an oven....just a stove top /range(gas),microwave/convection oven, and a refrigerator/freezer. If those can be used for a tasty non-pork, non-fish recipe that meets my other parameters (some of you know what that involves), please let me know!

A special arrangement of my favorite jeans, tops and shoes will make it in the RV NO MATTER WHAT !! I can't explain it, but some of these things give me certain joy. Yes, I can be righteous too and say that being happy, joyous and free refers to my spiritual life, but wearing my favorite pairs of jeans is a very happy, joyous and liberating feeling. So yes, I will bring along my Sevens, Hudsons & Lucky Brand Jeans. Can't live with out them! Does this contradict the spiritual books mentioned in the first part of my post? I think not. The ease and comfort that comes with wearing a good pair of jeans will not lead me to my old lifestyle....I always need my HP....and I always need to get dressed before I open the RV door. I have remained sober with or with out my jeans...but not with out my HP (I will just say G-d from now on)...I am Jewish and we aren't supposed to actually spell it out...I am sure you can figure out what I am referring to in any posts that follow.

Selecting our mobile music collection will not be hard- Jeff and I pretty much agree on everything. So as we head off on the Road to Nowhere (Talking Heads is an integral part of our collection), we will enjoy our tunes. DVDs are another story: while I would like the whole series collection of Sex and the City, I think he would be more interested in Hill Street Blues or NYPD Blue (not that I wouldn't, but not my first priority). I would love to get more Nip/Tuck-why does that have to be so expensive?? Our Sopranos series collection is a given. After all, one of our wedding songs comes from the Sopranos soundtrack, not to mention some incredible performances by Edie Falco, Gandolfini, Drea de Mateo, etc...

It's so cold and rainy today, we could start a fire in our living room. Earlier, the Denver Mattress people delivered our RV's new QUEEN SIZE mattress (don't ask what happened to our last queen size mattress, but if you are wondering what to buy me for Christmas/Chanukah, do NOT buy me a pillow top mattress, especially if it's smaller than a queen) .....

See you LOCALS next weekend for the going away party!!