Happy SIX MONTHS to ME!!

How did this happen? How did I manage to go more than SIX MONTHS with out a single cigarette? I simiply am elated! Right now, I am losing my voice and feeling sick, but constantly aware of the fact I would be so much sicker if I was still smoking.

I love being thankful for the little things, but I am not sure if NOT smoking is such a little thing....

Yay for all the ex-smokers out there!!

A NO smoking miracle

Just a short note that I am still not smoking. I honestly have thought about it in times of recent stress. Then I feel like I want to throw up. It has been almost 5 months since my last cigarette! My longest time is 7 months...yahoo...let's see what happens a day at a time!

I still love my yoga and work out sessions, but it seems I may have some knee issues. I will get in to see a MD, I promise! More later. I just want to stay in touch. I am thinking of getting a new page as to start fresh, you know?

Let's see!

Enough is enough

Every thing must come to end. Eventually. I.can't.wait.for.this.to.be.over............. I hope everyone knows "this" only refers to some specific issues and not anything overly global or dramatic!!

In spite of this, I am still loving yoga (but not doing it as much as I would like to ideally) and cardio training. I bought some excercise/lifestyle/diet books, but need to actually read/open more than one of them. The cool thing is that this activity does a few things:
1. makes cigarette smoking more disgusting and repulsive to me (that's just me...not judging...just saying).
2. keeps me distracted and busy and my head is not obsessed with current events.
3.oh, my....could I possibly look better and lose a little weight in the process?!! Who knew!
4. provides me a bit of future insurance on my general health status

It's enough to make me feel a little bit better about everything else.
I am looking forward to checking out an Ashram next weekend in Boulder with a friend of mine. It's a lot closer than India and I think the bugs are smaller. Yoga, meditation and vegetarian lunch (okay, what veggies???...arghh...)...

I will check in soon!
Have a great week!

Day by day....doing it right

So here I am, a few days (or months) after my last day of smoking (May 10, 2011) and I absolutely am glad I don't smoke. I can't lie. There are some days that I totally feel like smoking. You know, the days where I know that first few seconds of relaxation are going to feel good and I may even curb my appetite by a few bites. It's funny, but this is the exact reason why I just can't bring my self to start again. A few seconds? This relief is so momentary, it's certainly Big Tobacco's big joke on us! Seriously, I know that I have been consuming more food since this most recent quit date, but I am working on changing those food choices as well. I have bought some new books (I had to satisfy the need to buy something, right?!) on healthy eating/lifestyle choices that are making these changes so much easier.


I think the take home message is that my life is new, refreshed with bright novel opportunities (intense meditation, yoga, eating right, new healthy people in my life) that I am done giving my power to the behaviors and people that drain me in every way . My emotional budget is dwindling; I only have room in my day for people I can detach from and still love at the same exact same time or people that add to my life and I can effectively add to theirs.

This almost makes me want to go buy something. Kidding. Kind of. Stay tuned. I am about to go and work out....30 minutes. See you soon!

It's been a long long long time...

I know this will be a very short post as I am about to go on vacation. I have learned so much about life in the last six months. Things have been ever changing and I have had to be really careful, but I want to share one exceptionally imporant and fabulous fact:

I quit smoking May 10, 2011. This was a legally significant day. I love that I don't smoke. I have not had the urge to even smoke, especially since I started yoga.

I will get moe into this yoga kick when I get back, but I have to tell you that I have tried yoga before and NEVER ever felt the way I do about yoga today. More on this later. Friday, I am finally taking off to D.C., the first time since September when I was just left there by my ex-husband. We have a wedding to go to Sunday, then it is off to Maine Monday morning. I will return and venture forth into more frequent blogging.

I will share my experience and adventures when I return.
Till then, maximum strength, experience & joy to all!

Done...and Done..

I have successfully stopped smoking (after that 6 day relapse beginning with certain movers, certain medical appointments, certain professionals....)! This is getting really old. Seriously. Did you say you were done again, Alyssa?Yeah, seriously! I have a certain sense of looking back to last year when I quit on New Years Eve. Perhaps I should just do that?!Okay. That makes no sense. Why would I buy another pack for a week when I know I am done now? That is a masterful justification. Excellent work. I am seriously done. I can't risk that I won't be able to stop like I am now. There are times that I can just stop cold turkey and now is one of those times. So Done.

I am actually completely done with my Christmas shopping. Which is most fortunate as I am Jewish. I am so blessed that I have wonderful people to spend Christmas with! I am so blessed that I have a job to go to and a home to live in and a car to drive on Christmas. THAT INDEED is my holiday gift and I am so happy that I have a roof over my head and a bed to call my own! Four pillows that belong to me! Max has been amazing at adjusting.I am not sure if he loves that elevator too much, but I think he knows it delivers him to the outside and he DEFINITELY LOVES his walks. The fact that I have a roof over my head and a job to go to and retained Max as my permanent roommate is incredible! If I am not positive, things are going to start going in reverse. Its enough that I can't stop thinking about last year at this time, when we were in Key Largo, when I had just finished my open water SCUBA certification (see my December 2009 entries), when I met incredible people and Jeff and I talked about quitting smoking together, oops....crap. STOP! I just can't do it any more. I can't think about the past....because then I would have the incorrect notion that this Christmas will never be the same. It will NEVER be the same. That much is true. It will have to be different. Different it is!

Done... and Done.

I hate smoking...really I do!

Which is why this long weekend of a few cigarettes has come to an end. I did not smoke any till the night before my stuff FINALLY came. There was a pile of other stressors, and this never stopped me from seeking more spiritual answers. Why now? Did I give myself permission to relax my stance, my recovery from the nasty call of nicotine? Who knows? Who cares? I am done now. Yeah, yeah....we heard that before Alyssa! SO really, how long this time? Well, I am doing the best I can.

Well, maybe not the BEST I can, but under the circumstances, I think I am doing pretty damn well. Thank you very much. Just putting a dose of honesty out there.

Catching up...I swear!

It's been more than a month since I started working and a puff here and there maybe, but I have not smoked a FULL cigarette of my own since before October 25. What with everything going on, I would have to say "that's pretty freaking cool". Does this mean I reserve the right to light up after I leave the Starbucks where I am writing this post. As Mr. Big would say, "abso-fucking-lutely". Will I? I sure hope not.

I have to say the best part of my life is getting back into a routine and doing the things I love to do. With that being said, I have started to watch episodes from my master collection of Sex and the City DVDS from the very beginning and started crying at every other one. I felt I was right there with Carrie. Now, please, I know this sounds trite and contrived and just super-over-the-top-frivolous that I am using Sex and the City for my therapy, but why don't you start falling in love with Mr. Big with your close friends all around when it completely falls apart and explodes and see what happens?! And then get honest with your self. And after that, see if you have shed a tear or see if your eyes are a bit moist. If they aren't, I beg of you to go shopping and get a soul. I thought I made a Faustian deal, but it turns out that even though I may have, I am trying to get my soul back. And for that, I got to cry. I consider that a blessing.

I love Carrie Bradshaw. I swear, if I could have had a cosmopolitan after work decompressing with my episodes, I would have whipped up a pitcher and watched and cried till I fell asleep. I think I will start a blog on starting over and my articles will be much like hers. With a twist of spirituality and shopping (Can you mix the same in one post?Is that allowed?I suppose it's all about creative license!).

Confessions From a former smoker

So you have noticed I have not blogged lately, hmm?!!? I have been under a bit of stress lately. I have had to move back to Denver to look for employment, a place to rest my head, and transportation. There are a few details I need to figure out before I share them. Suffice it to say, this non smoker has been a bit weak. Weak in the sense I have been seduced by Marlboro. I have actually tried my best to remain as strong as possible in the face of adversity!

So I have cheated a bit and gave in on my road trip back here to Colorado. In a rental car. Because I don't have a car anymore. Details to follow, like I said. I have smoked between a portion of a cigarette to two cigarettes a day since giving in after almost five months of abstinence. I may have grabbed a few drags off a smoke in the week preceding around the time I smoked those four back to back and threw up. I can't stand smoking and I don't allow my self more than two a day. Such restraint. Such will power. Yeah, right. Like I said, details to follow!

Consequences of an ex-smoker

Due to a few circumstances in motion at the mo, I smoked four cigarettes fairly quickly in a chain smoking fashion. Boy, was I stressed! And as a faithful ex-smoker, I promptly vomited and heaved some more. Perhaps it's the stress, but more likely, it was the smoking. It's so awesome to be an ex-smoker. If I took to it like I was smoking a pack yesterday, I'd be in real trouble. Just a blip on the radar. These things do NOT have to happen, but it did and I will move on. I have absolutely no desire to make smoking something I do today... Or ever again. Gross... For me, that's all. I'm not judging. I'm just saying, for me... Gross. In fact, I will probably buy some water and institute a detox plan even though the nicotine is out if my system by now.

I will be on the road pretty soon again, but I will have my laptop with me. So many things happening. Once, I get over the big transition, I will be able to get everyone up to speed...maybe in a few months. I will be writing faithfully on subjects of books, movies, etc... And of my daily desire to continue a life as an ex-smoker!

A public service announcement from your favorite former smoker

I know I have not spoken about this resolution for a really long time. I needed some strength and longevity between me and my last Marlboro Light before providing updates on the subject! So, we all remember when I set this as my new years resolution. I honestly do not recall if I confessed my nicotine relapse, but it happened a day after Easter and I continued to smoke til April 30. I have NOT smoked since. SERIOUSLY!! I have quit for the longest time ever at this point and having over four months has been fabulous for my health. I can breathe better; I haven't gotten sick; I have really been cooking way more (and eating a lot). Of course, I think about it... I did enjoy smoking to an extent. The problem was that I didn't like any of the side effects (ash tray breath, smelly hair, smelly clothes, respiratory compromise,etc). Around the time I have stopped, the Marlboro brands have discontinued their use of the qualifying characterstics (no more lights, ultra lights, etc). There is a gold pack, silver pack... Yeah, yeah ... Every devoted smoker will still know what they are smoking, but the idea of a "lighter" cigarette is disappearing from marlboro labels. I am really happy to hear this. It is definitely not a safer cigarette!! I have smoked reds; the old "lights" were simply not as harsh feeling. That's all... Just a few more chemicals added to make my perception warped enough to smoke more. And just so we are clear, it took me a very long time to get these four months. I am not judging. I'm just saying....

And for you smoking haters out there: this isn't about you! I actually loved smoking. Couldn't put it down! How do you think I got to this point!
I enjoyed the social aspect, but realized I can be social with out taking a drag. I longed for the calm I would reliably cling to within a few seconds that only lasted a few minutes. However, this calm can easily be achieved with focused meditation which I have been working on daily lately. Overall, I just love that I've divorced myself successfully from the Marlboro Man. Y E S !!!!!

New Recipes I've worked on while NOT smoking

So, I've decided that smoking was the same experience it was on December 31 and thus, my 25 day smoking habit in April came to an abrupt halt on April 30. I am happy that the 25 day blip on the radar was just that, a blip. I am so happy to be a non-smoker again. I have been baking cheap desserts for the whole month of May to obtain and justify very refined sugars (like eating  Betty Crocker cream cheese and classic chocolate frosting on cupcakes or right out of the tubs).  Fun-dip and Haribo gummy bears are part of my smoking cessation diet, but Jeff has been cutting me off from sugar around 11pm. 

Other than Betty Crocker invading my kitchen weekly, I am actually keeping true to my resolution to try a new recipe every week. I have made Shepard's Pie (using ground beef and a DIFFERENT recipe that I used for book club years ago), a BBQ sauce and ribs,  a new Alyssa-made concoction to marinade my stir fry (absolutely a zen creation, but tasty nonetheless). The stir fry marinade ingredients were not original by any means, but the quantities were invented on the spot using ginger (fresh off the root), soy sauce, and garlic and a dash of olive oil (I don't know, but EVOO invades most of my recipes somehow).  This cooking horizon is broad and open. I have a year to see how far I can push myself and test my creative juices. I also made a sesame noodle salad with my mother's recipe which turned out well and Jeff liked it as well.

It is fun to cook when you are not smoking for so many reasons:
1.The wonderful aromas are more enticing when you can actually smell them
2. and appreciate the taste!
3.You can actually get cooking and cleaning done faster when you don't have to take frequent smoke breaks.
4. It seems a bit cleaner to cook when you are not dealing with nasty butts (even if you are constantly cleaning your hands before and after smoking which brings me back to #3 with a vengeance!).
5. At least for me, I have an enhanced appetite when I am not smoking and the rewards are actually reaped!

Friends don't let friends cook and smoke!!! COOK, don't SMOKE!!!!

Day #7- A bad habit dying very very hard

Sooo, smoking at the moment is a thing of the past. I feel that the physical part is way in the past. It's the habit part that is kicking my ass. To be honest, the physical part of smoking was deplorable and easy to let go. The physical effects of being smoke-free are glorious: hair smells fresh and clean (well, as long as I shampoo somewhat regularly), clothes smell clean, and breath does not resemble a human ashtray (this is one of the most disgusting facets of smoking hygiene, or lack there of). I wish that's all there was, the remnants of a nasty habit gone bye bye. Ciao, adios, shalom.

Nope, it could never be that easy. That's why this quitting smoking thing SUCKS! The physical reasons are the reasons we quit (the short term physical benefits as well as the long term physical/medical plusses). Honestly, I did not quit because I wanted to stop doing something that is: enjoyable, calming (paradoxical as that sounds to a non smoker), and well, so damn habitual. Smoking is not a glamorous social sport. It just happens to be what you would find me doing when I got off work, work breaks, after meal times, before, during &after watching the sopranos, movies, driving a long distance or in traffic. And any other time you think "why not smoke now...sounds like a great time for a light".

So if you ask me for the truth, I will tell you. I enjoyed smoking. I enjoyed the ritual; I enjoyed having a smoke with friends after an AA meeting or dinner; I had fun smoking with fellow smokers during the Sex and The City movie and all the episodes. I enjoyed smoking on my own when I was single and watched tons of foreign movies and chick flicks by myself. Quitting smoking for some reason seems more difficult than the whole drinking thing and that sounds absurd; maybe I don't remember the drinking thing as well. I remember obsessing and then being neutral to alcohol. Perhaps, down the line, I will be neutral to cigarettes. I don't believe I need a gift of desperation. I don't need cancer or a respiratory disease to get me to quit. For me, smoking is just a dirty nasty ludicrous habit that is going to require a really good fight.

These are the cigarettes I enjoyed and smoked for any length of time (I feel I ought to identify the opponent in the battle):

The Main Event:
Alyssa
vs.
Marlboro Reds
Marlboro blend 27 (I think this is the name)
Marlboro Lights
Camel Lights
Camel Special Lights
Camel Pink no 9
Camel special blends
Parliament lights


I think I have enough fight to kill the habit! We will see at day 30, day 60 day 90! Day 90 will be a big one as that's about as long as I have ever gone.

But we will take it one day at a time.

It's all fun and games four days in...

So, with all my attempts, I don't expect some people to take me seriously. You know, that's not even that important any more! I am taking me seriously...one day at a time. Maybe, four days without a cigarette, I am on a pink cloud. Never had that before. I really feel better already! Now, to be honest, I have certain positive changes in habits already working in my favor that I never had during previous attempts to quit cigarettes for good:



I am eating less fast food and eating healthier over all (let's not get too excited-no one said anything about eating vegan or recycling the containers of my food or anything).

I am exercising more.

I am experiencing less insomnia and getting more quality rest.

I, of late, have been reading more fashion magazines, but feeling the need to indulge and BUY BUY BUY much less (I am not sure how this helps the smoke habit, though I guess I am finding smoking a lot less glamorous-not sure if I ever did, but definitely finding it less so).



So, when I say I am not smoking anymore, cut me a little slack on my support group, okay. Meet my support group:

There is my best carbonated and ever faithful friend Diet Pepsi. There is Dr Pepper, but I am not sure if he betrays me with calories. They are both getting a bit jealous of the wallflower, water, who makes very quiet but frequent introductions into my life. I am drinking some now! Meet Starbursts, the Nerds, the Haribo gummy bear and cola bottle gang and least but not least: the Nerds Rope!



My more healthy friends include cucumbers and carrots as well as sunflower seeds. I confess, however, that the sunflower seed shells are salted and I suck the salt completely dry. Yummy. And sometimes, I still feed the seed inside to Max. He likes Nerds too! More water please!!

Yeah, like I said, it's all fun four days in!